i have been wondering lately...many friends had settled down, started a family, made a new life for themselves. everybody thinks that after college, when you are ready financially and emotionally, that is the time to settle down... or in common phrase, get married.
i grew up in a family that believes in marriage, a family that is still conservative in many ways, hence, i learned at an early age that what i wanted was not what is always right, that i have to take into consideration not only myself, but everyone, or everyone's feelings first, before i make decisions. that is how it is in my family, i guess, in simple terms, respect is a great factor.
but this is not really where my thoughts are leading when it comes to settling down with someone because, this someone is new in your life, who is a total stranger before you let yourself succumb to the attraction that pulled you towards this person you learned to love as time passed by.
my thoughts were a bit simpler than how to start a family. what i am trying to say is that...what if after marriage, you live with each other in the same house, same bedroom, not for a week, a month, but for a lifetime, and find yourself living with someone so opposite to the ways you are accustomed to?
let me make this simple and not complicated...
you are a person of cleanliness, tidiness...
maybe, you will laugh at these so shallow thoughts of mine.
but there are people like me who thinks this way. i am my own person. i grew up and live my life the way i was taught, the way i learned, and the way i find to my liking.
and this other person, though i have deep feelings for him/her, one day, i will find that his/her ways, how he/she lives in a house was a mess, someone who is not bothered by chaos..but feels comfortable being in it.
now, i really think i am being shallow, childish and narrow minded, just thinking along these lines.
but you see, thinking this way, and i know i am not alone in this, there are many out there like me...born and grew up in an organized surroundings, because this was how we are taught in school, not to be messy, but to be organized.
will i suffer as a wife to slave after a husbands untidiness? will i despair if i try to teach him to be more cooperative but in the end, all my efforts will come to waste, because, he is like that...i married him, so i also married his good and not so good traits. is that it?
wow! this is just a small thing i am wondering, i haven't added the facts about decision making or perspective about life...do we see a simple thing the same way or differently?
hmm, maybe, i really should fall head over heals in love with this person, to make me blind, to make me see not his shortcomings, but only feel the emotion that makes me high just by being with this person. he must be that special, unique, so that i'l be the suited wife for him who will not complain but take whatever will come my way in this marriage.
the question is...?
can i be that wife?
can i be that person who will wake up one day to reality and not complain?
can i be that other half who will accept this person as he is and not try to change him to my ways?
can i be this woman who will love with all her heart?
these are only some of those silly and foolish questions really, coming from a person like me who is not yet married, wondering what is was like to be married...
if i will wonder about foolish things such as these, then maybe, i am not cut out to be one. i will not be ready to settle down.
not now, at least.
